The first time I heard the words “irreconcilable + differences”, it was used in the context of a divorce. I remember thinking really? That surely must be a nice way of saying I don’t want to put up with your behind anymore. Well it turns out that legally it is; and much more than that, it avoids all the mudslinging that people engage in during divorce wars.
In my mind, reconciliation is a coming together of differences to create harmony. The nature of my day job allows me to get a lot of practice reconciling accounts. Let’s keep in mind that an unreconciled account is merely symptomatic of a dysfunction or malfunction. Account reconciliation is a fairly simple process- obtain the data and information from 2 or more sources, understand how they relate to one another, ensure that the numbers tie out, and if they don’t highlight the reconciling items with a plan of action and timeline to resolve. Now, if only that process is just as simple when it applies to people!
We have irreconcilable differences in all our relationships; I’m talking about deep rooted issues stemming from differences that have gone unresolved for too long, such that a simple question such as “how was your day?” or a comment like “the weather is nice” turns into world war III. These differences I speak of extend beyond those that we have with spouses, it’s also with siblings, parents, friends, other relatives- but the success of any depends on how badly we wish to put the work in to create harmony. Work means patience, understanding, empathy and the awareness that while we may all have issues, we all deserve some peace and happiness. At some point in my life, my naïveté led me to believe that there are no differences that cannot be reconciled. I have come to the realization that “irreconcilable differences” are real, and no matter how much you cherish or love the people and relationships with these differences, some relationships are for a time or season. If the people you’re involved in are not able to put in the work, or you are unable to do the work in your relationships to come to a place of harmony, do your soul some good and walk away. Love or loyalty are no excuses for you to violate your soul.
When I was a child, I thought and acted like a child hoping and firmly believing that all differences can be resolved. Now I am grown and I realize that all I can do is desperately do the work to come to a place of harmony, and when all else fails I can walk away.
My hope for you is that you get the wisdom to recognize irreconcilable differences, the strength to walk away and the courage to love your soul.
Wishing your soul peace and harmony.
